So any who, the news have been out for nearly a week. Everyone has their theory about where Jr. is going to go. If by saying “Jr.” and you don’t know who I’m talking about, you should probably stop reading now. My friend in Phoenix asked what about at Hendrick? Although I agree that if he wants to win championships that would be a great place to go, I’m not sure NASCAR nation could handle it. I think the sport just might implode. But no, Mr. Paul had his own ideas. Before you get along and read what Mr. Paul had to say, I somehow feel I need to preface this. I can’t imagine this but I did get a really good chuckle, followed by a few giggles.

Imagine Hendrick going 1, 2, 3, 4 in next year’s chase… Imagine all of the confused race-fans after the first race of the year when Gordon and Junior smile and hug after a 1-2 finish with Johnson and Busch dancing jigs around them to celebrate their 3-4… Then do the same thing every race for the whole year only with mixed-up finishing positions. What about all four dudes doing a synchronized burn-out at the end of a race? They’ll need a name like Rat-Pack, Brat-Pack, and Frat-Pack. The Convoy? The Mule Train? The Four Amigos? Chevy’s Heavies? If they can all make the pole and start 1-4, they can just run 4 wide at every race and not let anyone pass. They could put stickers on the rear bumpers that say things like “C-Ya” and “If you can read this, you’re a loser” and “Tell your mom to quit calling me.” Gordon and Junior can do cute commercials together like Magic and Bird, or Papi and A-Rod, or Montana and Marino. They can hang out together and get spotted in all of the cool night clubs and get their pictures in all of the celebrity magazines. They can go to other sporting events together like all of the actors from Fox when they show the All-Star game or the World Series and get spotted by the cameras watching the game. They could film a reality show. Better yet – a sitcom – The Hendrick Bunch. Or they could go A-Team style and drive around in a Nascar wrecker with guns and get the blue collar everyman out of bad situations with rotten crime bosses. Or Dukes style and use their actual race cars, and use bows and arrows and moon shine instead of guns. They could get that Fatback guy to be Cooter, and Richard Petty could be Boss Hogg, and DW could be Roscoe. What if they went totally Hollywood – started acting like jerks and snubbing fans and being curt with the media – like, Junior wins and with Gordon standing over his shoulder (both wearing mirrored sunglasses) he’d say, “Yeah, my Budweiser Chevy was great today. Best car on the track every week because of Pepsi and those dudes who sponsor Kyle. I gotta go – I’m getting a text from Jimmy on my Alltel. Come on Jeff – lets ditch these losers. Peace out!” And Gordon would say, “Word.” Or maybe he’d just chuckle and give a half-mouth semi-grin as he shook his head while they walked off posse-style. Or what about Ricky Bobby style shake and bake. That total arrogance where they know they’re the best and they don’t realize that other people think they’re not so they don’t know they’re arrogant – they just think it’s all the truth. They could walk through crowds and one would say, “Jeff and Junior,” while the other answered, “Shake and Bake,” like a weird game of Marco Polo with Jimmy and Kyle as the trailing entourage doing the point-smile-nod thing. “Jeff and Junior,” “Shake and Bake,” “Jeff and Junior,” “Shake and Bake,” “Kyle out of water?” “Nope,” “Jeff and Junior,” “Shake and Bake.”

I see the future, and it is glorious.

Advertisements